


We Are The Crystal Badasses

by orphan_account



Category: Borderlands (Video Games), Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: We. Are The Crystal Badasses.We Will Always Kick Some Ass.And If You Think We Can’t.We Will Blow You All Away.That’s Why The Psychos Of This World Are Afraid Of.Garnet, Amethyst, And Pearl.And STEVEN!(Interconnected one shots set in the BorderVerse AU)(Written & Originally Posted By Jonathan R. Doe)





	We Are The Crystal Badasses

**Blood, Explosions, & Fusion**

“So you and Connie fused?!” Tina squealed.

“Yup.” Steven said happily, “It was awesome!”

“Oh my gawd, STEMAN!” Tina shouted, “Were y’all like pah pow!? Or were ya like PAH PIDDLY POW!? Or were ya like Imma badass, I eat chocolate chip cookies and cookie cats, pah pow.” She finished in a calm, relaxed voice.

“Um we were like um well kinda like the last one.” Steven answered.

“AWESOME!” Tina squealed, “What was the fusion’s name?”

“It was Stevonnie.” Steven said proudly.

“I miss all the cool stuff.” Tina groaned bitterly.

“Come on you don’t miss ALL the cool stuff.” Steven said reassuringly.

“Yes I do, girl.” Tina whined, “I missed Stevonnie and Lilith being a badass siren and Mordecai shooting at Pearl, Steman.”

“I promise you that you’ll be there to see the next cool thing.” Steven told her with a smile.

“I BETTER!” Tina shouted as she stood up, “Otherwise I’m not gonna share my chocolate chip cookies and cookie cats with you and then ya won’t grow up all big and strong and be a real badass.” She teased.

“WHAT!” Steven shouted in mock shock, “I wanna grow up and be big, strong, and a badass. Please Tina, share your chocolate chip cookies and cookie cats with me!” He pleaded as he pulled Tina into a tight hug, “PLEASE!”

“Noooo!” She shouted back as Steven picked her up off her feet and spun her around.

“TINA PLEASE!”

“NEVER!” She shouted before beginning to laugh.

“Noooooo!” Steven said in mock defeat before he started to laugh with Tina, not noticing the bright glow that was shining from his gem.

Steven and Tina both fell back on to the dirt in a bright flash of light.

“I WIN!” Tina shouted at the top of her lungs as she raised all four of her arms in victory.

“Well that’s weird.” She cooed as she looked at her arms, “Hey shawty! How many arms do I normally have?” She asked Steven as she looked at how dirty her fingernails were.

“Two. Why do yo-ARRGH!” Steven shouted as he realized that he had four arms and that his voice sounded funny, “TINA I THINK WE FUSED!” He shouted as he scrambled to sit up only to feel some resistance as Tina replied.

“Girl, that’s crazy.” Tina scoffed as she began looking for Steven only to notice that she was having a hard time moving her head.

“Where am I?” A high pitched voice inquired,

“Steven, was that you?”

“Tina,”

“Whoa! I got four arms!” A high pitched voice cheered as Steven and Tina both sat up, “Boo! I only got two legs.”

“We fused.” The high pitched voice said as Steven turned to his left to face Tina, except instead of Tina all he saw was dust and dirt.

“THAT’S FLIPPIN' AWESOME!” The high pitched voice cheered as Tina turned to her right.

“Steven, Tina.” The high pitched voice said softly, “Can you please CUT THAT SHIZ OUT! YOU’RE GONNA HURT MY NECK!”

“Sorry.” Tina and Steven apologized in unison as they watched their new body shakenly stand up and almost fall over before catching itself.

“Damn, I thought standing would be hella easy.” The voice groaned, “Tina, Steven how do you guys do this?”

“I dunno.” Tina answered except it wasn’t Tina's voice but the high pitched voice of her and Steven's fusion, “Whoa! That’s weird.”

“I know right.” The fusion replied as their body took a hesitant step forward.

“We fused.” Steven said as the fusion nodded

“Yup Steman, we have covered that.” The fusion replied taking another hesitant step forward.

“What’s your name?” Steven asked as the fusion began slowly walking forward.

“Tiny Steven Tina Universe.” They answered as they began to increase their pace, “At least that's what I think it is. I dunno. Don’t care either cuz I am a BADASS, girl! I can walk bitches!” Tiny shouted at the top of their lungs before they tripped and fell, “Owwh! I hurt my everything.” They groaned before rolling over.

“Ya gotta be careful, Tiny Steven Tina Universe.” They said with laugh, “Boo that’s a long name.”

“She has a point.” They said turning to the left, “You need a shorter name.”

“Yeah I do.” Tiny said looking at the sky, “What y’all got?” They asked as they lifted their left arms and looked at the softly glowing pink rose and rose thorn shaped siren markings on both of them.

“Um. How about Stevina!” They shouted happily, “Or Tiny Stevina Universe.”

“Hmm. That ain’t bad Steven what you got?”

“How about just Tiny Stevina?”

“Hmm.” They muttered thoughtfully, as they began tracing the siren markings, “I like the Tiny bit but not Stevina.”

“How about Tiny Universe then?” They asked softly.

“NO! I got it!” They shouted giddily, “Tiny Verse. It’s short and sweet like me and Steman, boo”

“Tiny Verse.” They said standing up dusting off their jeans, “I like it.”

“Awesome!”

“Let’s go have some fun.” They said as they looked around and began to slowly walk off, slowly increasing their pace until they were practically running, “Stars! I’m so flippin’ fast!” They cheered before tripping yet instead of colliding with the hard earth they face planted against a bright pink wall, “HOLY CRAP! I CAN MAKE A BUBBLE!” Tiny cheered as they began to push themselves up only to stop as they caught a glimpse of their reflection.

Their hair was wild and curly, amd it fell slightly past their shoulders. The bandage Tina wore over the bridge of their nose was slightly higher up and their left eye had two pupils. Their cheeks were round and chubby and as they flashed their smile, they noticed that their teeth were straighter. Flexing their arms they were pleasantly surprised to see a small amount of muscle in their lightly chubby arms. Their palms of their lower hands were calloused and rough while their upper palms were smoother though they had thin diamond shaped scars imprinted in the both of them.

Standing up they looked down at their outfit which was the perfect mix of Steven and Tina's. The sleeves of his red shirt poked out the top of her top and large tears an two inches below them where their lower arms emerged from. Tina's apron covered the front of their jeans which were actually more like caprices now and a small tear in the knee showed the plain cloth of Tina’s pants underneath. Their feet were covered by a pair of slightly torn cartoon bunny and explosion decorated socks.

“DWAMN! I Look good!” They said proudly as the bubbled popped making them stumble slightly, “I meant to do that.” They said quickly as they looked around, “Alright let’s find a warp pad and let the rest of Pandora meet Tiny Verse.” They commanded as they began to slowly skip off.

\---

As they skipped along making their way back to the warp pad they saw a group of psychos lounging in the sun not far off from them.

"Psychos." Tiny whispered as they stopped dead their tracks, "What do we do?"

"We could go around them." They whispered hesitantly.

"We could do that. Or we could kill them!" They shouted giddily as they looked at the group of Psychos rambling nonsensical phrases to one another, "With kindness......and EXPLOSIVES!" They added as their lower left hand pulled out a grenade, "Then we could have a TEA PARTY! We could invite Princess Fluffy Butt and her husband MC Bear Bear who just dropped a FIYAH MIXTAPE!" They added in a faux English accent that was dropped as they shouted getting the Psychos' in the distance's attention.

"I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU INTO A MEAT UNICYCLE!" One shouted.

"MEAT POOPSCICLES!" Another shouted.

"I like your face. I WANTS TO WEAR IT AS A HAT! AHAHAHAH!" Another shouted maniacally before falling into a fit of giggles.

"BOOM! GOES THE BANDIT!" They shouted excitedly as they went to throw the grenade only for it to end up in a bright pink bubble that floated away before exploding in the air showering them with shrapnel that they blocked with their shield.

"PRETTY SOUNDS!"

"I wants your....APPENDIX!"

"STEVEN!" They shouted looking to their right, "WHAT THE CRAP!”

"Killing is wrong." They said looking to their left.

"It's not KILLING!" They shouted looking back to their right, "It's Boom! Goes The Bandit." They added in a sing song voice, "BIIIIIGGGGG DIFFERENCE!"

"No there is not!" They hissed looking to their left not noticing the bandit running towards them with a SMG drawn.

"YES! THERE IS!" They shouted making their the rose thorn tattoos on their left arms light up before a shot rung out and a sharp stinging sensation shot through their cheek.

"DIE FREAK!" The bandit shouted as they formed their bubble before summoning a shield and drawing a grenade.

"Tina! We can't kill them!" They growled looking to their left as they upper right hand grabbed the lower and twisted it making it drop the bubble gum pink pistol it had grabbed from their holster.

"They tried to kill us first!" They shouted looking to the right before they felt themselves begin to pull apart.

Rapidly unfusing in a bright flash of light.

Reforming into two different individuals.

The left of which began to have a pink glow shine from inside the white light.

Except when the light faded,

“What in the stars?” They uttered looking at the bright pink tattoos on their left arms, “Why are we still fused?”

Before they could contemplate the question further, a loud CRACK rung out catching their attention. In the center of the bubble was a large crack that was slowly expanding throughout the large sphere.

“What do we do?” Tiny asked themselves, “What do we do!?”

“To be or not to be that is the question.” A psycho screeched before falling to a fit of giggles.

“S-steven? Ti-tina?” Tiny asked nervously as the cracks began to spread faster making the bubble began to quiver, “Wh-what do we do?”

No answer came as the bubble broke into hundreds of hard light shards that disappeared before they hit the ground. Their heart began to race as maniacal laughter entered their ears. Turning to their left their heartbeat came to a halt as a psycho rushed at them.

_**Tiny! MOVE NOW!** _

As the psycho rose his arm and rapidly swung it downward towards their midsection, pure instinct took over as Tiny leapt backwards and drew a grenade from their pouch with their lower left hand

“Boom. Goes the bandit.” They said coldly as they ripped the pin out and tossed the grenade in the air as their upper left hand slid their psycho mask over their face shielding it from the paper thin shrapnel of the flash bang grenade they tossed into the air, “Let’s do this, suckas!” They hollered summoning two shields.

“CRY!” A psycho roared as he began to rush them.

“You first.” They sneered as they flung a shield at him cracking his skull as they narrowly dodged a shot that flew past their head, “That wasn’t nice.” They hissed as they looked up and saw the lone bandit from earlier aiming an SMG at them.

“There is no such thing as nice on Pandora freak!” The bandit shouted before opening fire on them.

Yelping they barely managed to move their shield into the oncoming bullets path.

“Damn it.” They growled as dropped to their knee and began expanding the shield till it shielded their entire body, “Quit bein’ a jerk! Hrrrgh! Come on bubble! Bubble activate! Bubble appear! Dammit bubble show up already!” Tiny shouted before squeaking as a bandits axe embedded itself in their shield right next to their head, “Mother flippin’ rak kissin' son of a bitch!” They growled as they grabbed the fist and arm of the midget psycho who had thrown the axe at them before tossing him into the dirt, all the while trying not to get hit by the bandit whose gun fire was becoming far more sporadic with each passing second, “Take that! And that and a lil' bit ah this!” Tiny roared wickedly as they summoned an additional shield and repeatedly rammed the psycho's head into as it deflected the bandit's gunfire.

“Goddamn freak! Summoning some sort of magic shield!” The bandit growled as she went to reloaded her SMG not noticing the large shadow suddenly covering them.

“Good night.” Tiny cooed as they kicked the bandit in the head knocking her unconscious before tossing their shield into the gut of the psycho that had attempted to sneak up behind them, “Hmph. Better luck next time.” They scoffed before looking around for anymore bandits, “Coast’s aaallllllll clear.” They said happily as they moved their psycho mask back to the left covering part of their left eye.

**That was incredible Tina!**

_They were die! And we were like no you first sucka! And then PAH POW! Butt butt whooping’s for erbody._

**I know! Oh my gosh! We were so awesome!**

“Um Steven, Tina is that you?” Tiny asked as they shook their head, “Or am I going crazy?” They questioned before snickering, “That’d actually be kinda cool, girl. I could get away with ssssooooo much.” They giggled wickedly at the thought of being able to live a psycho like life.

_**It’s us.** _

“I mean it’s me and Tina.” They said looking to their left.

“You mean Tina and I, my dear.” They replied in a faux English accent turning to their right, “Proper speech is what separates us these bandit savages, my de-.”

“I can’t believe I liked it better when they were just voices in my head.” Tiny muttered to themselves interrupting Tina.

“Hey! That’s not cool, Tiny!” They shouted as they crossed their lower arms, “Girl, don’t make me turn this fusion around! I’ll DO IT!”

Tiny just blew a raspberry in response before they began happily skipping off towards the warp pad.

\---

Tiny Verse didn’t like the looks they received as they walked through the cramped streets of Sanctuary.

Some were focused on their siren tattoos that pulsed with a faint pink glow. Others were focused on their second pair of arms which at first glance simply hung limply at their side but upon looking closer they had their hands poised above their grenade pouch and empty holster respectively.

Ducking their head they quickly rushed past Dr. Zedd's medical office, ignoring his comments about being skilled in amputation and removal of other deformities.

“Did Stevonnie get looks like this?” They inquired as they saw Moxxi's bar in the distance.

**Not really.**

“Well that’s great.” Tiny muttered as they looked at their reflection in the window of an apartment.

Their messy dirty blonde hair had dirt and spots of slowly drying blood in it. While they mask was tilted so that it covered the second pupil of their left eye, their left eye was still slightly larger than the right. The large graze on their cheek was bright red and a small amount of blood ran from it now their cheek. Sighing they brushed their fingers through their hair and realized that their hand was also coated in spots of drying blood.

“Damn.” They said quietly as they licked their finger tips and slowly dabbed the saliva on their graze, watching their reflection in awe as it faded leaving only the blood that had ran down their cheek and neck as a reminder of what happened.

_I bet we got a shot with Moxxi now._

“I bet we do.” Tiny said as they looked at the bar's crowded entrance.

\---

Sitting at the counter Tiny adjusted their psycho mask so that their double pupiled left eye was in clear view before giving Moxxi a wink.

"Why, hello. The name's Verse." They said confidently, "Tiny Verse. And you are?" They asked flashing her a crooked grin.

"Um Tiny, that's Moxxi." They blurted out before Moxxi, who looked incredibly confused could reply.

"STEMAN! SHUT UP! TINY AND I ARE TRYIN TO BE SMOOTH!" They shouted as they turned to their right, making Moxxi and the other patrons at the bar tilt their heads in confusion.

"Now where were we girl?" They said softly as they rested their head in their lower left hand.

"We were asking her name even though we know Moxxi." They said turning to their left.

"STEMAN! QUIT MESSIN' WIT OUR GAME!" They screamed turning to the left and slammed their lower fists on the bar counter as Moxxi just shook her head and walked to the other end of the bar to help another patron, as a soft pink glow began to grow in intensity from their left arms.

"WAIT! GIRL WHAT YO NAME!" They shouted waving at Moxxi, "GIRL! COME BACK! SHAWTY! SSSSSSSHHHHHHAAAAWWWWWWTTTTTTYYYYYYY" Yet to their dismay Moxxi ignored them, "AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!" They shouted before banging their head on the counter, "Damn it girl. I just wanted to tell ya that you are beautiful! Like CRAZY beautiful."

"Why thank you." A calm accented voice said from beside them.

Looking up they narrowed their eyes as they Garnet who was giving them an amused smirk.

"Nawt you girl. Her." They said gesturing towards Moxxi who was making her way back over to Garnet, "Though you are really pretty too. Like DAMN!"

"Thank you." Garnet said again with a smile as she pulled down her shades and gave them a wink, "It means a lot."

"Girl, you da best. You da best, you da you da best!" Tiny said in a sing song voice.

"Yes. She. Is." Moxxi said seductively as she stopped in front of Garnet, "Hey sugah."

"Hello Moxxi." Garnet replied simply.

"I don't suppose you're here to take me up on my offer." Moxxi said softly.

"No."

"Are you sure, sugah?" Moxxi asked as took Garnet's hand in her's, "Because I am always D-T-F. Always."

“D-T-F?” Tiny inquired confused.

“Down. To. Fuse.” Moxxi purred into Garnet’s ear as she intertwined their hands, “Always.”

“Um alrighty then.” Tiny said as they leaned away from the counter.

“How has your day been, Tiny?” Garnet questioned as she pulled her hand out of Moxxi's grip.

“Well…it’s been uh…well um…really cool, girl.” They said with a chuckle, “I mean look at me! I got four arms! That’s flippin' awesome!”

“I see that.” Garnet said calmly as she discretely looked at the siren markings on their left arms which were emitting a soft pink glow.

“Oh and look at my eye!” They squealed as they used their fingers to open their left eye’s eyelids wider to show off their double pupiled eyes, “I’ve got three eyes! Well kinda. Wait. How did you know my name was Tiny?”

“Future vision.” Garnet lied as she pulled down her shades and showed off her third eye.

“That’s awesome.” Tiny cooed, “Hmm maybe I have future vision.”

“Maybe.” Garnet said as she watched Tiny close their eyes and scrunch up their face as they tried to see the future.

“I…I’m having a vision. I’m seeing Moxxi.” Tiny said slowly catching Moxxi's attention, “She's…she’s giving me her number.” Tiny said opening their right eye as Moxxi scoffed and shook her head.

“Nice try kid.” Moxxi said before winking at Garnet as she walked off.

“It was worth a shot.” Tiny shouted before sighing, “Whatever.”

“Maybe next time.” Garnet said reassuringly.

“Yeah, maybe.” Tiny said sadly as slumped on to the counter, “Well it nice seeing ya, Garnet.” They added before a bright white light began emanating from them.

As the white light began to become two a soft pink glow shone through the left light bringing the beings together for a brief moment before it faded leaving Steven and Tina in it’s place.

“STEVEN!” Tina shouted at the same time Steven shouted , “TINA!”

“THAT WAS AWESOME!” They said in unison as they both began to rapidly start talking about Tiny Verse and what it was like for each of them.

Garnet watched this little display for a moment with a slight smile before walking to the Crimson Raider HQ.

Every fiber of her being wanted to be excited about Tina and Steven had just shared but that excitement was overshadowed by what she had seen as they unfused and the events that had occurred a few minutes before that.

\---

“Steven did what!” Pearl squawked as Axton chuckled and Mordecai whistled, “No you’re joking, Garnet. Please tell me that Steven didn’t really….fuse with that…that-”

“That what, Pearl?” Roland inquired.

“Scoundrel, ruffian, explosive loving psychopath. Isn’t that what you’ve said about Tin-ARRGH!” Claptrap yelped as a spear embedded itself in the wall right above him.

“Kid’s got moves.” Mordecai joked, before noticing the angry glare Pearl was giving him, “Sorry.”

“So the kid fused with Tiny Tina.” Axton said with a nod, “What’s the big deal? He did the same thing with Connie.”

“Well for starters, Connie unlike Tiny Tina is not a mentally unstab-” Pearl began.

“They didn’t unfuse after becoming out of sync in the bar.” Garnet interrupted, “Steven’s siren markings also began to glow during that and when they unfused, a pink glow started to make them refuse. It was as if his siren abilities were keeping them fused.”

“A flash of white light.” Zer0 said as they walked into the room, “One that should truly be two. Bound by pink tattoos.”

Setting his echo device on the table he began playing a recording of the fight Tiny Verse had been in.

“Damn.” Roland said quietly as everyone nodded in agreement before looking up at Pearl then Maya, “Do either of you have any ideas of why his siren abilities might be doing this.”

“I wish I could tell you Roland but I don’t have any idea.” Maya answered dejectedly.

“Pearl.”

“Rose never had that happen in the six thousand years I had known her.” Pearl answered shaken, “Her siren abilities never interfered with out fusions.”

“Okay I know this is gonna sound stupid but why didn't this happen to Stevonnie?" Mordecai asked

"Who said it didn't." Maya answered.

“She's got a point.” Roland said, “It’s just they weren’t in as a high pressure situation as…well what do we call…her?”

“Them.” Garnet corrected, “They’re name is Tiny. Tiny Verse.”

Mordecai and Axton snorted at this while Claptrap let out a high pitched squeal.

“THAT’S SO CLEVER!” He yelled, “Tiny Verse. That is, just GENIUS! PURE GENIUS!” He shouted excitedly, “Get it Pearl? It’s a combination of Tiny Tina and Steven Uni-ARRGH! That is the fifth time in the past hour you have lost your grip of your spear in my presence.” Claptrap stated as he struggled to remove it from the wall.

“So what are we going to do about Tiny Verse?” Roland questioned.

“We can find a way to keep a constant eye on them and prevent them from fusing.” Pearl said matter of factly.

“Until we figure out what’s going on.” Garnet added.

“Yes. That's what I meant. Until them.” Pearl agreed hesitantly.

“So how are going to do that?” Mordecai inquired.

“Two silent watchmen.” Zer0 said as he placed his echo device on his waist, “Protecting and preventing. Two becoming one.”

“I’ll help Zer0.” Pearl said authoritively, “Ill watch Steven and Zer0 can watch Tina until we figure out what’s going on.”

“Alright.” Roland said simply, “Now we have to figure out what we’re going to do about Peridot and Malachite. Both are on the move and we need to stop them ASAP.”


End file.
